"Dear Gorby"

A couple of friends of mine are in the process of adopting a child from Russia. They have set up a "financial assistance program" that they have jokingly named "The Gorby Fund" (don't try to type that on your iPhone, the auto correct is totally inappropriate, ok, do it...it's funny) Anyway, they have asked that everyone that has been a part of the adoption process, either monetarily, spiritually, emotionally, or any other kind of "-ily" to write the baby-to-be a letter explaining why he/she is important to them. Well here ya go Brock and Ash, you asked for it. 

Dear "Gorby", 
For the record, I would have never, ever nicknamed you "Gorby", what kind of people are they? I would have named you Anastasia, like the chic that won American Idol back a couple years ago? I think she's already a has been...anyway, I just want it to be known I had NOTHING to do with the nickname. The photo below is NOT what I want to picture you looking like, however, ya....that's all I got.

Let's talk about your Dad...He's a nice guy, most days. Easily excited, especially if he thinks you might need some life/car/house/boat insurance. He likes to have a good time, take pictures at random gatherings, roots for Mizzou ( Pssst, you need to be a Razorback fan) and enjoys being with family. I guess for the most part you are going to do fine in the father department. I've included a picture of what your dad looks like when he started the adoption so that you can see how the thought of you light up his eyes....

Your mother, she is a gem. A gem of all gems. Her sparkle can light up a room. She is totally, madly in love with you already, and you aren't even in her arms yet. She has worked so hard to make a life for you and talks of her "Gorby" all the time. Now, be ready for ridiculous outfits, lots of "Momma sugars", church gatherings, and a lot of women folk, pawing all over you...that's the kind of mother you're gonna have. It's gonna happen, I'm just warning you. Again, I have included a picture of your Mommy so that you can see the twinkle in HER eye....

Unfortunately by the time you are old enough to get the humor in the included photos, Brangelina will probably be divorced and (fingers crossed) he will be back with Jennifer Aniston. (Ask your Mom, she'll explain) 



So sweet "Gorby", I leave you with this....You are loved beyond your comprehension. You have an entire community that loves you and are ready for you to make your big debut. You are going to have two wonderful parents that will give you your every hearts desire. They've worked hard for you so you had better be a good child, don't make me come and beat you...you won't like it!

Finally, here are your real parents...a goggle wearing weirdo, and a smiley lady in a sombrero, good luck sweet baby. Can't WAIT to meet you!

If you would like to donate to the "Gorby Fund" click the link below...These parents deserve a little cash after this blog don't you think?

http://apps.facebook.com/fundrazr/activity/5e89b46b47ac4e64a85905d9b5ce4812?

*No celebrities were hurt in the making of this blog entry. All parties/friends should always be under the assumption that they may be part of a blog post at any given time. If you do not approve this blog post, please speak to my imaginary attorney, as I am broke ass and have no money to pay for a real one*

Physicians & Transmissions

About three weeks ago I put my vehicle in the shop for some repairs. My husband and I have been back and forth with the dealership for almost three weeks about what was wrong, how to fix it, and how much it would cost to fix it. We decided to have the complete transmission replaced so that it would be under warranty. I would expect it to be finished on Friday and would be able to pick it up then. The service guy had quoted us $2400.00 for a new transmission including 100,000 mile warranty. Sucks, but it will be paid off in March and I didn't want a new vehicle. Now, before I start this conversation dialog remember folks, I am NOT a medicated woman...

I walk in the dealership and announce myself with "Hey guys, I'm the bitch with the Envoy!"  I'm sure that's what they had been referring to me behind my back so I thought I'd stump them with a little reverse psychology! A very sweet lady calls the service tech to the front to speak with me.

Service Guy: "Well, how much do you think it's gonna cost ya?", holding up a piece of paper and peeking from the top like a 2nd grader.

Me: "$2400.00!" I say sternly. "That's what we discussed on the phone and that's how much I have to pay you."
He drops the paper on the counter, $2770.17 is printed very clearly on the bill.


SG: *stupid look* "We fixed your four wheel drive as well, your transfer case was replaced. Your husband and I discussed it on the phone."


Me: "No, I was there when you spoke with him and he did NOT tell you to fix it he told you to call him back, which you never did." "Several times, you were supposed to call regarding this vehicle and you never did."


SG: "No I spoke with your..."


Me: "Call him and we will make sure"
He dials the number at my request and begins a conversation with  my husband and then hands me the phone. I discuss it also and it is determined by all parties that SG was NOT told to fix four wheel drive. I hang up the phone followed promptly by a text message from my husband that reads : "Get 'em baby!" The man knows me too well... "Well, I will pay for the repairs because you can't UNfix the damn thing but I can tell you that I don't have $2700.00, I have $2400.00, it can sit out there in the shop unti..." increasing the pitch of my voice with each vowel.


SG: "Calm down"


Me: "Calm down? Calm down? I started my morning with a pap smear and it's only gotten worse from there. I was told an amount on my vehicle and now, three weeks, three grand, pissing in a cup, a breast exam and a pap smear later, and you're going to tell ME to calm down?"
At this point I have $2400 bucks for vehicle repair OR bail money it makes me no difference.

He throws his hands up and tells me to hang on a minute and exits the front. I lean into one of the ladies at the front desk and kindly explain to her that I am a kind, gentle woman unless you mess with my kid or my money, she politely smiled and agreed.


SG: *enters the room* "Well, you say you have $2400.00?"
What part of that did he not understand? I am quite sure I made that very clear.


Me: "Yes, I am telling you that is what I have, anything else will have to be charged, billed, whatever. Or you can keep the damn thing here until next week"


SG: "Well, we can make arrangements for the balance"


Me: "Good"  In the back of my mind I am thinking, sure buddy, anything to keep me from saying pap smear again OR coming in here in person. Arrangements were made for the minor balance of $370.17 and I exit the dealership without blood shed.



Final Thought:
There are times that we have to do things that we don't want to do. I didn't want to deal with an idiot at a dealership and SG didn't want to deal with an enraged female customer with a bad attitude and an empty wallet. Everyday we do things we don't want and everyday the world still turns regardless of our reaction to it. We can do things with a smile or we can do things with a frown either way life has to happen. Because of my recent experience I can say my only advice to life is.... never, ever, ever have your vagina and your car worked on in the same day.