Sunday, October 31, 2010


If you haven't read "SCARS", my previous post, then this won't make NEARLY as much sense.

After viewing "The Scar Project", I got inspired. "Inspired" is really not a big enough descriptive word, I had a FIRE lit in me. After viewing the women showcased in "The Scar Project", my mind started going over so many things that leave scars on the hearts of women. Outside scars are only a portion of what makes us who we are. Scars that we carry on the inside are never asked about. They aren't visible to prompt someone to ask "hey, what happened?" Women of all ages carry scars, stories, burdens, pain, sorrow, recovery, healing, and triumph that no one ever sees.

That all changes least here...and at least for these few ladies that were chosen to take part in my wacky idea. THESE women inspire me. THESE women make me want to shout from the rooftop, NO matter what you've been through, NO matter what pain you are going through, someone, somewhere can share it with you. We all have scars, and we all have a story. None of these women are asking for pity. They are women who have overcame and want to share their courage in hopes that this may touch someones life. I believe that when you tell your story and show you scar, that you are letting a little of the pain go. These images are to inspire you and to help you embrace the scars that make you....You.

To be fair, I am going to start with me... 

At 9 months old, my father left with me and took me away from a drug addicted mother. I have not seen her since. I would have had a sister 13 months younger than me but she died due to complications from my mothers drug addiction. At age 17 I became pregnant. After 29 hours of labor and an emergency c-section, I gave birth to the one and only child I would ever be able to have.

In 1976, at age 5, Angela was in a car accident and watched her mother and 4 year old sister die. She was sent to live with her grandparents. Her father remarried and had two sons. In 1998 Angela's brother was also killed in a car crash. She is now helping her father who has terminal cancer.

In 2008 Amy was 38 weeks pregnant and having constant contraction so she went to the emergency department. They told her everything was fine and sent her home. A doctors visit later that week confirmed that the pregnancy was right on point.  The following Saturday Amy, in full blown labor, again went to the emergency department. The doctor informed her they were unable to detect a heart beat. William was born and went to heaven that same day. 

Along with  a tattered childhood, Shelly gave birth to her daughter at age 15. Dropped out of high school to care for her daughter, she was uneducated and potentially headed down a path of destruction. 10 years later Shelly has married, gotten her GED and is enrolled in college courses. 

For three years Ashley and her husband tried to get pregnant. They spent time, money and heart for their dreams of parenthood. After a heartbreaking miscarriage she has decided to stop fertility methods. Ashley is now trying to adopt a child from Russia. 

Misti's life has been filled with heartbreak and loss. Primarily raised by her grandparents, Misti held her grandfather as he passed away from lung cancer. She says his death has impacted her more than anything in her life.

Jennifer has several battle scars from the same enemy...cancer. Her mother, grandmother, father, 3 great uncles, an uncle and an aunt have all fought cancer. All three great uncles, an aunt and an uncle lost their battle. Jennifer is now a vital part of the Relay For Life.


In January 2009, Trisha found out she had cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and began a fight where she ultimately became triumphant. After a year long battle including, chemotherapy, radiation, fatigue, hair loss and emotional strain, in February of 2010 she was told she was cancer free. 

 In 2002 Trina's brother died from cancer. A month later her daughter was born after an emergency c-section. Losing her brother and knowing he never got to meet her daughter are two of the hardest things that forever changed her life.

Eva suffered abuse from her alcoholic father starting at the age of three. The abuse was so severe at times, she actually hid under the bed in an attempt to avoid it. As an adult she confronted her father and has made peace with both the abuse and her abuser. He passed away in 2001.

August 1, 2007 Michele lost a child during pregnancy. January 18, 2008 tragedy struck again, and again she miscarried. The pain of losing her unborn children and the "what-if's" of their little lives has left an empty place in her heart. Michele has 4 children, 2 in heaven and 2 God has chosen for her to raise. Someday, she says, they will all be together.

In 2004 Jana was diagnosed with breast cancer. Even after 6 rounds of chemotherapy, 37 radiation treatments, and losing her hair Jana never lost her faith, or support from family and friends. Jana is cancer free.

In April of 2008 Sarah was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon cancer. Her son was 20 months, her daughter 5 weeks old when, then 28 year old Sarah, got the news. After a colon resection, liver resection, abdominal surgery and rounds and rounds of chemotherapy she has beat odds that were given to her two years ago. She is still battling cancer today.

It wasn't until Sara was an adult with children of her own,  that she decided she wanted to meet her biological father. She had been raised well by her stepfather but wanted to give the man she had never met a chance at finding a place in her heart. She now has a relationship with her biological father and Sara is certain God knew what he was doing.

Kristi struggled with a meth addiction from the age of 17 to 33. She has been homeless, jobless and hopeless. Her children were taken away from her twice with the understanding that the third time would be permanent. Kristi has been clean for a year.

Sandy was diagnosed with Stage III ovarian cancer in 1997 at the age of 47. She began chemotherapy and the fight of her life. She has been in remission since 1998.

When Kelly was 2 days old her father died from colon cancer. In 2003 her mother died of lung cancer and her mother in law from a brain tumor in 2004. She is a vital part in the "Sarah C-Fight White" fund raising and a main part of Sarah's daily cancer battle. In September her brother was diagnosed with colon cancer. 

 Nikki's scars started at an early age, with the absence of both parents. Then a life changing pregnancy, almost losing her premature son and later almost losing her daughter, Nikki's life was a roller coaster of continuous hurt. She contributes the healing of wounds to the strength of her children and the woman they have made her into.

Though only a small child when Whitney's sister Emily passed away, there has always been a sense of loss in her heart. Now that she has a  daughter of her own, she understands, even more, the pain felt by her parents. There is now a scar, were she suffered a wound so young by the loss of a sister she would never get to know. 

Melissa, like so many women, have multiple scars from a life of tragic events. She's been degraded, abused, and made to feel like she wasn't "worth" the love of others. The pain of never feeling good enough and learning to trust again has been hard, but through the relationship with her husband Larry, her wounds are finally beginning to heal. 

Patty suffered sexual abuse as a child from someone she was taught to trust. This has effected her relationships, caused problems with self esteem and intensified her already introverted personality. It wasn't until being a part of the SCARS segments of this blog that Pat made peace, forgave and is turning her wounds into a healing. 

Faye was diagnosed with Stage 1, Grade 3, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on March 9th, 2009. She fought the cancer with chemotherapy and radiation but most importantly with her will to live, strong faith, and the support of her family and friends. Though the cancer caused fatigue, hair loss, emotional and physical exhaustion, she won her battle, Faye is cancer free.

Tara began her journey through meth addiction as a young woman. In an attempt to straighten out her life she joined the USAF at age 19. She was taken advantage of my a fellow airman and out of shame, discharged for medical reasons. Again she turned to drugs. Tara feels that God has kept her safe as she walked the "belly of hell" through her addiction because she would eventually use her past as a teaching tool for young drug abusers. Tara has been clean for ten years.

Final Thought:
I have been working on this post off and on for almost a year now. Once again, when I try to do something nice for someone else, it blesses me ten fold. I cant even begin to express my admiration for the women who have bared there hearts and souls to others in hopes that their story may impact them in a positive way. If you will notice all these women have been photographed in front of brick. This is 
symbolic to the walls that we women create when we have been hurt. These women, these wonderful strong women, are standing in FRONT of their walls so that their story, and their pain may bring you a little peace.

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Pre-During & Post Eviction of Jo & Angela

The last time I blogged, it was the night before the big SURGERY. I honestly was scared out of my mind and had decided to pour my guts out to you people in hopes it would ease my worries, and it did. I felt better after all the comments of encouragement and well wishing, but here is the REST of the story, and the next day.

(If this is the first time you have read this blog, "Jo & Angela" are referring to the names of my uterine tumors....because everyone names their tumors right?)

I finished my blog and then went off to my bed with my trusty iPhone in hand to "tweet" the night away. I let my fellow "Tweeps" comfort me by talking about how much their lives suck...they totally rock at that! I  decide to call it a night so I take the TWO pills prescribed by Dr. Blah Blah at bedtime. The prescription read: Take two pills, with food, at bedtime. No problem, I took the two pills with some crackers and milk and drifted off to sleep.

Apparently I was resting well, because the next thing I remember was my mind waking me up saying "HEY, WAKE UP, YOU ARE SHITTING ON YOURSELF!!!!!!!" My mind was right. I race to the bathroom, clenching my cheeks and attempting to form a thought as I had been jolted into consciousness by my bowels. I sit down and I am seriously thinking I could die at this point. I pooped like I have NEVER pooped before in my life. I am talking sweat popping, leg shaking, toilet water splashing, poop. I pray..."Dear God, I am supposed to have surgery in *looks at clock* 3 hours, please don't let me die here on this pot."

I manage to stop crapping long enough to get my iPhone and pill bottle and I go back to the pot and do what any iPhone user would do, I google that shit and see if I am one of those rare side effect people that need to seek medical attention immediately. Unfortunately, no. The medication given to me to "soften my cervix" is also a medication for CHRONIC and SEVERE constipation. I poop, and poop, and poop. Then I poop some more. About an hours worth of colon cleansing and I am finally able to lay down and go back to sleep for a few hours.

 RX: Cytotec

Morning arrives again, and I get ready for the big day. Ok, so it was a same day surgery, but it was BIG to me. I get to the hospital and I am taken back to the pre-op area when I kindly ask Dr. Blah Blah's nurse if she realizes that they prescribed me a "SHIT MY GUTS OUT UNTIL I THOUGHT MY RECTUM WOULD EXPLODE" pill. She was familiar with the side effects...of course, this is the humor, the irony, the Jamie-Esq of life. Ehhhhhhhhh

I.V. is started, medication given, time for a photo op...

of an I.V. pole? Sorry I was wonky....

Apparently I actually HAVE the surgery but honestly I don't have any idea, according to the bill, that is a definite! I wake up with a nurse on each side of me, I want a Diet Mountain Dew and I want it now. I have one waiting for me once I am cleared from recovery. Dr. Blah Blah had told my husband everything went wonderfully, and that everything "looked" fine. The tumors were sent off to pathology and I would have a follow up appt in two weeks.

 Left:  "Endometrial masses" in question.
Right: Mass free, post DNC. 

Recovery for me was pretty easy. My doctor said I could have up to two weeks off, I took off 3 days. My A.D.D and O.C.D would NOT allow me to sit in the bed ONE MORE DAY! Day time T.V. still sucks and I have 400-ish channels. Here is what being home during the work week has taught me...

1) Rachel Ray stopped cooking and has a "talk show", stop it Rachel, just stop it.

2) Barbara Walters is STILL alive.

3) Apparently Bob Barker has been eaten by Drew Carey as he is now the host of  "The Price Is Right".

I had minimal pain, just some cramping and very light bleeding ( I know you men don't care, but it's MY blog and I'll type what I want). Everything went pretty smoothly and I got lots of "surgery presents" and treats brought to me by family and friends. Well, Dad brought wine, he loves me the most, clearly.

Fast forward two more weeks and yesterday I go to the FINAL check up. I do what any nervous woman does, Tweet, and take pictures of myself.

Look! My halo...

I really thought I was doing pretty good hiding the fact that I was REALLY, REALLY tired of people looking at my vagina. I even told the front desk lady that, though she was charming and wonderful, I really hoped I wouldn't be seeing them again after this appointment. 

I'm lead back by the nurse and as she walks me into the room I stop her. "Oh, I am in the wrong room?" I explain. *Puzzled look by the nurse* I point at the gown laying on the exam table. "I am just here for a follow up." I say confidently. "Dr. Blah Blah does a pelvic on all her post-ops so I'll need you to undress from the waist down."she says smiling. "WHY is it that I NEVER know what is going to happen to me here? You would think you people could give a little heads up? Do you know what a trans-vag ultrasound is?" I was a little irritated and she started to interrupt me, she failed. "What if I had decided NOT to wash my ass today? I DID wash my ass today, but what if today I just hadn't had time...." She laughed, (SHE wasn't doing the exam) and apologized. Once again I get naked, and once again Dr. Blah Blah works her magic on mah lady parts. This time though she tells me everything came back NEGATIVE!!!! NO CANCER!!!! They were a couple of polyps, and I didn't have to come back until my pap next year. Thank God! I could have done cart wheels, well, as soon as I put my drawers back on. It's finally O-V-E-R!

Final Thought: 
Sometimes I guess God gives us little reminders of how precious life can really be. This experience has done several things for me. 
1) Reminded me how strong of a woman I am. 
2) Reminded me HOW many people really love me. 
3) How many people really don't care one way or the other about me. 
4) There are good people in this world and 99% of them live in my home town. 
I have a very small family, but a HUGE friend-family that has taken care of me mentally, emotionally and physically through this ordeal. I hope that in some way, someday I can thank each and every one of you in a special and personal way, because without you all "Cancer Scare 2010" could have been so much worse. Now, let's all pray I NEVER, EVER, EVER have to talk about my vagina or it's contents EVER again! 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Xanax & Xylophone

Ok, I can't mislead you all, there is no Xylophone mentioned in this post, but I couldn't think of a catchy name...actually my brain is completely fried from today's Dr.'s visits. That's right, plural. I had to see my gyno and the anesthesiologist today. The gyno for my prescriptions and discussion of risks and procedure, and the other dude to explain all the risks of anesthesiology. Let's start with the beginning of my day shall we...

I head to the doctors office this morning feeling pretty good about getting this over with. It's about a 50 minute drive so I listen to the radio like I always do, well sorta. This time, as I listen to the songs coming out of the radio my mind starts changing the lyrics to fit my current condition. I'll explain...

"Big Ol' Jet Had a Tumor"

"Love the Way You Lie (in my uterus)"

"Sex On Fire" (I left that one, but the meaning would be literal)

and finally....

"Ridin' Solo" which is what my uterus will be doing tomorrow about 1100 am once the tumors are removed.

Surprisingly, nothing exciting happens in the waiting room and I am directed to my room quickly. I am seated and shortly Dr. Blah Blah comes in smiling and ready to take on my OCD...she knows it's coming...I can tell.
I get straight to the point..."

"Here are my lists of do's and dont's"

1) Do not let anyone unnecessarily see my vagina. 

2) Please put me out and put my legs in the stirrups yourself, I have done it enough. 

3) Clean all of that crap out so I can miss a period, k?

4) Don't nick my bowel.

5) Any extra maintenance you want to do to "spruce up" the place, is always welcome. 

6) I've watched enough Grey's Anatomy to know that you people talk about random shit in the O.R., take notes, and leave them for me upon my waking.  

*This is a screen shot of my "Notes App". I <3 my iPhone.* 

That went well I thought....the women CLEARLY needs to charge more for my appointments.

Instead of going into great detail about the way I have been feeling today, I decided just to include photos.

Exhibit A) 
Me being scared shitless. 

Exhibit B) 
The face I made when they put in the "trans-vag-ultrasound" wand.

Exhibit C)
 How I will feel when this is ALL over!

Tomorrow is the big day, I will be having a DNC, and a resection of 2 endometrial masses. That basically means they are going to clean out my uterus with a squeegee and remove a couple of tumor-mass things that we have NO idea what the hell they are...not thrilled, but I have no choice. Originally we were told that I would be able to have the hysterectomy the same time if they came back cancer. That is not the case now. If it comes back cancerous I will have to schedule with an oncologist. She says the post op risks are less and recovery is better when done by a cancer doctor. So, tomorrow I drive 50 miles, have my "giney" all cleaned out and get this show on the road. Either I'll be fine, or I'll still be fine...just with less lady parts. Thanks to everyone who has been concerned, I am thankful for each and every one of you. I have great friends and family. Those of you on my text list tomorrow...expect pictures! ;)

Love and Hugs to you all!

Monday, October 11, 2010

"The Big Picture"

This is a quick look at Alexis, the teenage girl whose response to "Tell me why you, love you" stood out among almost 50 emails....

I spent the day with Alexis, including hair, make up, photo shoot and finally dinner. She is an absolute joy to be around. She is a Sophomore in high school yet has the soul of a grown woman. Here are a few photos from our "You Love You" shoot, including a few reasons why Alexis says she is happy just being....her.

I have an amazing ability to listen to people and make them feel comfortable to talk to me.

I like my hair color, my big brown eyes (that 
 sometimes for no reason change to hazel)

 I love that I am cautious where my heart is concerned. It takes me a long time to "love" someone or to make good friends but when I do it is unconditional and forever.


I love my obsessive need to always be on time.

My long legs.

I love my passion to help others

Final Thought:  Alexis is only 15 years old and has the wisdom of a 70 year old. She isn't going to let people, or the world tell her she can't be herself. Women everywhere live their lives letting things they can't change, or erase make them feel less than what they are really worth. Our scars are our story, and our story can only be written by you. Step outside of you and look at your "Big Picture". 

*Special thanks to Alexis and her mother for allowing her to be a part of my madness, as excited and proud as you all were, this warmed my soul as well.*

Friday, October 8, 2010


I know my blog is called "Why God Made Me Funny" and most of my blog posts are at least mildy entertaining, this one will not be. I want you to know a head of time that this will not be a funny post. I am a multi-dimensional person, that has many layers. One of the reasons I think that I CAN be so funny is my way of looking at things. What someone might see as a normal trip to Wal-Mart, I can see as a horrific injustice to's just the way I am. This blog post talks about breast cancer, women, scars and my outlook on these things. This is a raw look inside my mind, and my soul.  I hope you continue reading. 

A couple of months ago I saw a link on Facebook called "The Scar Project". I clicked the link and immediately became mortified by the images of these women. These women had been mutilated to save their lives. Cancer had came into their bodies and the only choice was to take a scalpel and cut deep into their flesh. I won't get on my soap box about cancer research and how I feel like so much money is wasted on other things in this world. We put a man on the moon, we should have a cure for cancer...ok, maybe a small soap box.

Tears streaming down my face, I clicked on image after image, after image. These women, mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and wives bearing their scars for the world to see. Photograph after photograph of their story. These photos telling the silent struggle these women went through in order to save their lives...then...I thought of the other scars. The ones we can't see. The scars on their hearts, the scars on the hearts of their loved ones. The deep scars, that no one can look at and gasp at the tragedy. Scars women of all ages carry around with them their whole lives. Even as young girls we are injured with words, leaving scars that only we can see.

Are these scars any different? Not really, only these scars we can hide. There is no proof of the internal scars and they can be buried deep within us, only being shown to our closest friends, if ever seen at all. Sometimes as women, we are hurt by words and it leaves a lasting bruise on our heart. When were we taught that it was ok? Being talked to inappropriately by men, treated poorly by peers, not standing up for who we are, and the hell it took us to get there. My scars are deep, some are small, some are large, some fresh and some old. Every scar on the outside has a story, and so do the scars on the inside.

A lot of people frown on women who are confident. They look at you as "cocky" or "arrogant" when the truth usually lies in THEIR insecurities, again.....scars. I love me. I love my scars. I love that I am loud, funny, OCD at times,  I wear my heart on my sleeve yet I am the master of keeping my emotions in check, I act tough but never want to hurt anyone intentionally, I am still struggling with my appearance, and I am harder on myself than I need to be. Those things make me..."me". It's ok to love "me". When you love yourself, AND your scars, insecurities, strong points, and weaknesses, you can grow and learn about yourself. You can start to heal from the inside. My scars are my truth, MY TRUTH. Some self inflicted, some inflicted by others, but they are all mine.

After my minor "scar meltdown" I decided I wanted to do something to bring this thought to light. I wanted to take some photos of a young woman that loved herself. True beauty is when "You Love You", which in turn prompted another idea. I decided to have women, who were my friends on Facebook, e-mail me why they loved themselves and in return they would get a free photo shoot highlighting just that.

The response was amazing. I have had so many wonderful women email me, most directed their "self-love" to reasons of being a good mother, good person, Christ follower, but one in particular stood out. I fell in love with this response....

"I will stand up in the face of adversity and build a life based on what is right for me. Using confidence in myself and a firm belief that I have a light within me that will brighten if nothing more a small corner of this world and make a difference for someone. And knowing through it all that my life in it's successes and failures was mine alone to make." -Alexis

Final Thought:

Alexis is 15 years old...This is what it is all about. Love you, be you, insist others love you and take nothing less in return. Make YOUR light shine. Whether you live in a small town, a big city, the country, or island in the Bahamas, shine. Never be afraid, your scars are you. Be YOU, be proud of what makes you, you. When women stop being afraid of what really lies inside of them, and start loving themselves for who THEY are, they will shine from the inside out. SCAR- Stay Confident And Real. Let your scars heal...and SHINE!

* A special thanks to "The Scar Project" for the inspiration for this post. The photos and women are beyond amazing. If you want to learn more, or purchase the book featuring these brave women, click the link below.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

"Dear Gorby"

A couple of friends of mine are in the process of adopting a child from Russia. They have set up a "financial assistance program" that they have jokingly named "The Gorby Fund" (don't try to type that on your iPhone, the auto correct is totally inappropriate, ok, do's funny) Anyway, they have asked that everyone that has been a part of the adoption process, either monetarily, spiritually, emotionally, or any other kind of "-ily" to write the baby-to-be a letter explaining why he/she is important to them. Well here ya go Brock and Ash, you asked for it. 

Dear "Gorby", 
For the record, I would have never, ever nicknamed you "Gorby", what kind of people are they? I would have named you Anastasia, like the chic that won American Idol back a couple years ago? I think she's already a has been...anyway, I just want it to be known I had NOTHING to do with the nickname. The photo below is NOT what I want to picture you looking like, however, ya....that's all I got.

Let's talk about your Dad...He's a nice guy, most days. Easily excited, especially if he thinks you might need some life/car/house/boat insurance. He likes to have a good time, take pictures at random gatherings, roots for Mizzou ( Pssst, you need to be a Razorback fan) and enjoys being with family. I guess for the most part you are going to do fine in the father department. I've included a picture of what your dad looks like when he started the adoption so that you can see how the thought of you light up his eyes....

Your mother, she is a gem. A gem of all gems. Her sparkle can light up a room. She is totally, madly in love with you already, and you aren't even in her arms yet. She has worked so hard to make a life for you and talks of her "Gorby" all the time. Now, be ready for ridiculous outfits, lots of "Momma sugars", church gatherings, and a lot of women folk, pawing all over you...that's the kind of mother you're gonna have. It's gonna happen, I'm just warning you. Again, I have included a picture of your Mommy so that you can see the twinkle in HER eye....

Unfortunately by the time you are old enough to get the humor in the included photos, Brangelina will probably be divorced and (fingers crossed) he will be back with Jennifer Aniston. (Ask your Mom, she'll explain) 

So sweet "Gorby", I leave you with this....You are loved beyond your comprehension. You have an entire community that loves you and are ready for you to make your big debut. You are going to have two wonderful parents that will give you your every hearts desire. They've worked hard for you so you had better be a good child, don't make me come and beat won't like it!

Finally, here are your real parents...a goggle wearing weirdo, and a smiley lady in a sombrero, good luck sweet baby. Can't WAIT to meet you!

If you would like to donate to the "Gorby Fund" click the link below...These parents deserve a little cash after this blog don't you think?

*No celebrities were hurt in the making of this blog entry. All parties/friends should always be under the assumption that they may be part of a blog post at any given time. If you do not approve this blog post, please speak to my imaginary attorney, as I am broke ass and have no money to pay for a real one*