Friday, October 8, 2010

"SCARS"

I know my blog is called "Why God Made Me Funny" and most of my blog posts are at least mildy entertaining, this one will not be. I want you to know a head of time that this will not be a funny post. I am a multi-dimensional person, that has many layers. One of the reasons I think that I CAN be so funny is my way of looking at things. What someone might see as a normal trip to Wal-Mart, I can see as a horrific injustice to mankind...it's just the way I am. This blog post talks about breast cancer, women, scars and my outlook on these things. This is a raw look inside my mind, and my soul.  I hope you continue reading. 


A couple of months ago I saw a link on Facebook called "The Scar Project". I clicked the link and immediately became mortified by the images of these women. These women had been mutilated to save their lives. Cancer had came into their bodies and the only choice was to take a scalpel and cut deep into their flesh. I won't get on my soap box about cancer research and how I feel like so much money is wasted on other things in this world. We put a man on the moon, we should have a cure for cancer...ok, maybe a small soap box.




Tears streaming down my face, I clicked on image after image, after image. These women, mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and wives bearing their scars for the world to see. Photograph after photograph of their story. These photos telling the silent struggle these women went through in order to save their lives...then...I thought of the other scars. The ones we can't see. The scars on their hearts, the scars on the hearts of their loved ones. The deep scars, that no one can look at and gasp at the tragedy. Scars women of all ages carry around with them their whole lives. Even as young girls we are injured with words, leaving scars that only we can see.



Are these scars any different? Not really, only these scars we can hide. There is no proof of the internal scars and they can be buried deep within us, only being shown to our closest friends, if ever seen at all. Sometimes as women, we are hurt by words and it leaves a lasting bruise on our heart. When were we taught that it was ok? Being talked to inappropriately by men, treated poorly by peers, not standing up for who we are, and the hell it took us to get there. My scars are deep, some are small, some are large, some fresh and some old. Every scar on the outside has a story, and so do the scars on the inside.




A lot of people frown on women who are confident. They look at you as "cocky" or "arrogant" when the truth usually lies in THEIR insecurities, again.....scars. I love me. I love my scars. I love that I am loud, funny, OCD at times,  I wear my heart on my sleeve yet I am the master of keeping my emotions in check, I act tough but never want to hurt anyone intentionally, I am still struggling with my appearance, and I am harder on myself than I need to be. Those things make me..."me". It's ok to love "me". When you love yourself, AND your scars, insecurities, strong points, and weaknesses, you can grow and learn about yourself. You can start to heal from the inside. My scars are my truth, MY TRUTH. Some self inflicted, some inflicted by others, but they are all mine.




After my minor "scar meltdown" I decided I wanted to do something to bring this thought to light. I wanted to take some photos of a young woman that loved herself. True beauty is when "You Love You", which in turn prompted another idea. I decided to have women, who were my friends on Facebook, e-mail me why they loved themselves and in return they would get a free photo shoot highlighting just that.



The response was amazing. I have had so many wonderful women email me, most directed their "self-love" to reasons of being a good mother, good person, Christ follower, but one in particular stood out. I fell in love with this response....

"I will stand up in the face of adversity and build a life based on what is right for me. Using confidence in myself and a firm belief that I have a light within me that will brighten if nothing more a small corner of this world and make a difference for someone. And knowing through it all that my life in it's successes and failures was mine alone to make." -Alexis




Final Thought:

Alexis is 15 years old...This is what it is all about. Love you, be you, insist others love you and take nothing less in return. Make YOUR light shine. Whether you live in a small town, a big city, the country, or island in the Bahamas, shine. Never be afraid, your scars are you. Be YOU, be proud of what makes you, you. When women stop being afraid of what really lies inside of them, and start loving themselves for who THEY are, they will shine from the inside out. SCAR- Stay Confident And Real. Let your scars heal...and SHINE!



* A special thanks to "The Scar Project" for the inspiration for this post. The photos and women are beyond amazing. If you want to learn more, or purchase the book featuring these brave women, click the link below.


17 comments:

anonymouspunchingbag.com said...

Wow, I'm so proud of you on so many levels. This post is beautiful. It made me cry, and it made me think (2 thinks I try to avoid) ;) Love you!

Kelly said...

Great Job, Jamie! I love the funny posts but I love the "real" ones too!

Lucy said...

Well done! Don't hesitate to do serious posts. As you mentioned, both are you. Your humor is funnier because of how much you care.

Lucy said...

Who, not how...this is why I don't blog. I struggle with my English! :)

Wendybird said...

Wow!!! As a mom of a pre-teen and a woman with scars so deep sometimes and unable to fully heal my husband sometimes gets so frustrated with me he wants to shake me I get this. My scars are not the cause of my own illness as with the brave women in those photos but they are as you have said as real and life altering. At the hands of people on my life starting with my parents I have been torn to shreds and with the help of my amazingly patient husband, some good friends (very few but still) who really get me, and now being in therapy I am trying to heal an learning to love me. This post really spoke to me!!!
I effin love you!

Defeated Diva said...

Wendy, That's the response I wanted. Thank you.

Sandie said...

Thank you for this post. I am a friend of the photographer and have been helping with The SCAR Project on and off for three years. I am thrilled that this week (October 14-17) the portraits will be exhibited for the first time in Nolita's OpenHouse Gallery in New York. I am thrilled, also, that you were inspired by David's work and by the stories told by the scars borne by these women. Their scars and their stories have inspired my life - and my actions. If you are interested to learn more about the stories behind the scars, David Jay has self published a book of The SCAR Project photos and autobiographical stories by each of the women involved. It is available on The SCAR Project website www.thescarproject.org. Thank you again for your post - and God Bless. Sandie

Misti said...

You touched my soul when I read this! This is a true look into your heart. I carry some pretty big internal scars and I am glad to carry them. I would not be the person I am today without them. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Misti

bsmith said...

Speechless...and that doesn't happen very often. Love you JaHo

Barry said...

Awesome post - tough, but awesome.

I cannot agree with you more: "Be YOU, be proud of what makes you, you. "

Staci said...

Love it. Thank you for sharing your soul, your scars. I am so thankful that I know you. Your shine has made so many other peoples lives brighter....never stop doing what you do.

Jen said...

There aren't enough adjectives for me to share how I feel about this blog.
I remember looking at my own Mother's scar from her mastectomy (only removed the right breast) as a 13 yr old girl land wondering what it was like to lose the very thing that most people "think" make you a woman.
She died less than 2 yrs after her initial bout with Cancer, and her death is an inside scar that I carry, to this day.
I have, in the last 6 months come to a realization about my own scars, and started to make changes, to be the strong 36 year old woman & Mother, I deserve, and my kids deserve.
I am proud of my internal scars, and external, for they brought me here, and now!
Thank You DefeatedDiva!

Anonymous said...

I have read both of your Scar blogs. Thank you for being brave enough to share your own and the other stories. I have come to realize in my own life, that forgiveness eases our pain. When we forgive someone who has deeply wounded us, it is the start of our own healing. For so long, I understood healing in theory, but could not truly live it. Consequently, I lived with a gaping emotional scar that was raw, jagged and open for a long time. It took many years to finally realize I am good, valuable, worthy, and wonderful. It was a difficult process to see myself the way God views me. I do now. The wound is not oozing, bleeding or open anymore. I am healed. I have a battlescar on my heart but it doesn't hurt me anymore. I am free! The pictures posted here have made me cry. I think these women are magnificently beautiful. Their lives are a living testimony of courage, faith and hope.

Anonymous said...

I have never read any of your funny blogs to compare, but was brought to this by a very funny person, turned suddenly very somber and serious,
I too have many scars I hide from the world, no one really knows the true me, I try to make everyone laugh , maybe to hide my own scars I never thought about it that way before, I had a very bad childhood, a mother who drank,and beat me, and many babysitters that abused me in other ways, I have had such anger my whole life for things as a child that I could not explain, or understand,that were out of my control, that now being a mother myself I have such fear of these same things happening to my own daughters, I have sheltered them to the point that they can barely breath, all out of fear for the horrible things that happened to me, I worry so much about my daughters when they are away from me that it makes me physically ill, I feel I need to take care and protect them, because if my own mother had paid attention to what was going on instead of being drunk things wouldn't have happened to me, and I will never let anyone harm my girls, I will never be that kind of mother.

Defeated Diva said...

Thank you to everyone for your kind words. This is so important to get out to all women. Feel free to share this site, as well as "SCARS II", with more women. This is starting a movement and a HEALING IS HAPPENING!!!
Jamie

Anonymous said...

I may be out of place here as I am a man headed out the far side of "middle age." I came across this site quite by accident and it reminded me of an incident that happened about 15 years ago.

I approached the checkout line at the supermarket when I noticed the woman in front of me. A very quick, and typically male, overview of her told me she was a very attractive woman with not much bust line. A few minutes later she turned and, as she was wearing a sun dress, I noticed scars that went past the edge of the arm holes in her dress and above the neckline of it. Obviously, she had had a mastectomy. I studied her for a few minutes and found myself becoming...aroused. No, I am not some sicko with a scar fetish but this woman had enough confidence in herself as a woman that the scars and absence of breasts did not deminish that confidence. I could only think that if she believed she was so much woman I had to fully agree with her. I have thought about her often with great admiration since then. She, with no breasts, was, to me, more of a woman than most that you pass on the street.

Anonymous said...

wow this is amazing really im on the verg of tears becuase of how amazing this is ive gone through losses becuase of the subject AMAZING LOVE IT !