Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Xanax & Xylophone

Ok, I can't mislead you all, there is no Xylophone mentioned in this post, but I couldn't think of a catchy name...actually my brain is completely fried from today's Dr.'s visits. That's right, plural. I had to see my gyno and the anesthesiologist today. The gyno for my prescriptions and discussion of risks and procedure, and the other dude to explain all the risks of anesthesiology. Let's start with the beginning of my day shall we...

I head to the doctors office this morning feeling pretty good about getting this over with. It's about a 50 minute drive so I listen to the radio like I always do, well sorta. This time, as I listen to the songs coming out of the radio my mind starts changing the lyrics to fit my current condition. I'll explain...

"Big Ol' Jet Had a Tumor"

"Love the Way You Lie (in my uterus)"

"Sex On Fire" (I left that one, but the meaning would be literal)

and finally....

"Ridin' Solo" which is what my uterus will be doing tomorrow about 1100 am once the tumors are removed.

Surprisingly, nothing exciting happens in the waiting room and I am directed to my room quickly. I am seated and shortly Dr. Blah Blah comes in smiling and ready to take on my OCD...she knows it's coming...I can tell.
I get straight to the point..."

"Here are my lists of do's and dont's"

1) Do not let anyone unnecessarily see my vagina. 

2) Please put me out and put my legs in the stirrups yourself, I have done it enough. 

3) Clean all of that crap out so I can miss a period, k?

4) Don't nick my bowel.

5) Any extra maintenance you want to do to "spruce up" the place, is always welcome. 

6) I've watched enough Grey's Anatomy to know that you people talk about random shit in the O.R., take notes, and leave them for me upon my waking.  

*This is a screen shot of my "Notes App". I <3 my iPhone.* 

That went well I thought....the women CLEARLY needs to charge more for my appointments.

Instead of going into great detail about the way I have been feeling today, I decided just to include photos.

Exhibit A) 
Me being scared shitless. 

Exhibit B) 
The face I made when they put in the "trans-vag-ultrasound" wand.

Exhibit C)
 How I will feel when this is ALL over!

Tomorrow is the big day, I will be having a DNC, and a resection of 2 endometrial masses. That basically means they are going to clean out my uterus with a squeegee and remove a couple of tumor-mass things that we have NO idea what the hell they are...not thrilled, but I have no choice. Originally we were told that I would be able to have the hysterectomy the same time if they came back cancer. That is not the case now. If it comes back cancerous I will have to schedule with an oncologist. She says the post op risks are less and recovery is better when done by a cancer doctor. So, tomorrow I drive 50 miles, have my "giney" all cleaned out and get this show on the road. Either I'll be fine, or I'll still be fine...just with less lady parts. Thanks to everyone who has been concerned, I am thankful for each and every one of you. I have great friends and family. Those of you on my text list tomorrow...expect pictures! ;)

Love and Hugs to you all!


Emily said...

Jamie, it'll be just fine, but I think I could use a Xanax myself after reading your blog. lol Will say an extra pray for you tonight. Love, Emily said...

I just swallowed my whole bottle (well.... in fairness... there isn't much left). I love you lady. Please tweet as soon as you are up to it. Biggest hugs ever my beloved cyber-wife!!!

Tricia said...

"Any extra maintenance, feel free." That is priceless! :)

Good luck! Your kitty will be purring again in no time!!

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT....LOVE IT....LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelly said...

Good luck with everything! I'll be thinking about you and hoping everything goes smoothly.