"Bare It All"

As a part time photographer, I see women with make up applied, every hair in it's place, clothes ironed and coordinated and ready to bring their best smile forward. They ask me to get their "good side", "don't make me look fat", "smooth out my wrinkles" and "do something with the bags under my eyes". I'm asked to do LOTS of things to make the photographs of women perfect, and am guilty of editing my own to perfection as well.

Sessions like this make me think about  my Nana, SHE was a woman of TRUE beauty. She was a kind, genuine woman, who wasn't afraid to tell you what she thought about you and follow it up with a hug afterward, sounds familiar huh?  I can't remember what she looked like with or without make up, I can't remember what she smelled like, I don't remember a bad hair day or bags or wrinkles, I remember grace. I remember her soft touch, her soothing voice, her unconditional love and kindness to people she would meet. I can't remember her having "roots" or a "bad side", "love handles" or "muffin top", I remember her telling me she loved me " a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck" and meaning every word. Those are the things I want to be remembered for, not for a great head of hair or flawless skin.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think women feel better when they look nice and there is NOTHING wrong with dressing up, and feeling good, I just think the emphasis on appearance is blown out of proportion. These days our young ladies are so bombarded with the medias "idea" of beauty that we are forgetting the real meaning of being beautiful. We can't expect men to respect us for what's inside if we don't spend as much time on it as we do our outside.  I want my daughter to know that real beauty is inside. Make up can't hide someone who is ugly on the inside and true beauty shines through your soul regardless of your looks.

Those of you who REALLY know me, know that I can never just take things as "face value" and that I am a perpetual "over thinker" and allow my mind to carry things off to places that dream up these ideas. And so, "Bare It All" was born.  I asked my dear friends of Facebook to pose "naked"...well naked faced anyway. I asked each lady to pose for a photo without any make up and to complete the sentence. "I am beautiful because...."

I am beautiful because I know that being tenderhearted shows my strength to love unconditionally.

I am beautiful because I know my smile lines are laughter scars that mean I have lived a life of laughter. 

I am beautiful because God made me to be beautiful.

I am beautiful because my husband reminds me each morning, my daughters laughter reminds me as she connects my freckles and God reminds me in Proverbs 31.

I am beautiful because God made me who I am. 

I am beautiful because I know my flaws. 

I am beautiful because of my God given strength, forgiving nature and ability to love and be true to myself despite my mistakes.

I am beautiful because I am alive, I am a fighter and I am strong. 

I am beautiful because Jesus Christ lives in my heart. 

I am beautiful because I've learned how to have compassion and love despite my heartache.

I am beautiful because God MADE me. 

I am beautiful because I am not afraid to show my strength. 

I am beautiful because I am Bekah, not Barbie.

I am beautiful because I love openly and forgive easily. 

I am beautiful because I always find something to smile about. 

I am beautiful because I can forgive people who greatly disappoint me. 

I am beautiful because my personality is contagious.

I am beautiful because my age shows I have earned my place on this earth and I've learned that true beauty doesn't fade with age.

I am beautiful because I know that true beauty doesn't come from hair products or make up but from the reflection of God in my heart.

Final Thought: 

As usual, after spending time with a bunch of awesome ladies, my cup has ran over with emotion.  I have laughed, cried, laughed and cried some more. I have ladies from age 4 to age 67 "Baring It All" to show other women true beauty is all on the inside! I hope everyone reading this really gets this message. If you have a teenage daughter, I urge you to send them this link. We are women, we are strong, we are beautiful and together we can rebuild the meaning of true beauty.

"SCARS" Part II

If you haven't read "SCARS", my previous post, then this won't make NEARLY as much sense.

http://whygodmademefunny.blogspot.com/2010/10/scars.html 

After viewing "The Scar Project", I got inspired. "Inspired" is really not a big enough descriptive word, I had a FIRE lit in me. After viewing the women showcased in "The Scar Project", my mind started going over so many things that leave scars on the hearts of women. Outside scars are only a portion of what makes us who we are. Scars that we carry on the inside are never asked about. They aren't visible to prompt someone to ask "hey, what happened?" Women of all ages carry scars, stories, burdens, pain, sorrow, recovery, healing, and triumph that no one ever sees.

http://www.thescarproject.org/home.html

That all changes today...at least here...and at least for these few ladies that were chosen to take part in my wacky idea. THESE women inspire me. THESE women make me want to shout from the rooftop, NO matter what you've been through, NO matter what pain you are going through, someone, somewhere can share it with you. We all have scars, and we all have a story. None of these women are asking for pity. They are women who have overcame and want to share their courage in hopes that this may touch someones life. I believe that when you tell your story and show you scar, that you are letting a little of the pain go. These images are to inspire you and to help you embrace the scars that make you....You.

To be fair, I am going to start with me... 

At 9 months old, my father left with me and took me away from a drug addicted mother. I have not seen her since. I would have had a sister 13 months younger than me but she died due to complications from my mothers drug addiction. At age 17 I became pregnant. After 29 hours of labor and an emergency c-section, I gave birth to the one and only child I would ever be able to have.

In 1976, at age 5, Angela was in a car accident and watched her mother and 4 year old sister die. She was sent to live with her grandparents. Her father remarried and had two sons. In 1998 Angela's brother was also killed in a car crash. She is now helping her father who has terminal cancer.

In 2008 Amy was 38 weeks pregnant and having constant contraction so she went to the emergency department. They told her everything was fine and sent her home. A doctors visit later that week confirmed that the pregnancy was right on point.  The following Saturday Amy, in full blown labor, again went to the emergency department. The doctor informed her they were unable to detect a heart beat. William was born and went to heaven that same day. 

Along with  a tattered childhood, Shelly gave birth to her daughter at age 15. Dropped out of high school to care for her daughter, she was uneducated and potentially headed down a path of destruction. 10 years later Shelly has married, gotten her GED and is enrolled in college courses. 

For three years Ashley and her husband tried to get pregnant. They spent time, money and heart for their dreams of parenthood. After a heartbreaking miscarriage she has decided to stop fertility methods. Ashley is now trying to adopt a child from Russia. 

Misti's life has been filled with heartbreak and loss. Primarily raised by her grandparents, Misti held her grandfather as he passed away from lung cancer. She says his death has impacted her more than anything in her life.

Jennifer has several battle scars from the same enemy...cancer. Her mother, grandmother, father, 3 great uncles, an uncle and an aunt have all fought cancer. All three great uncles, an aunt and an uncle lost their battle. Jennifer is now a vital part of the Relay For Life.

  

In January 2009, Trisha found out she had cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and began a fight where she ultimately became triumphant. After a year long battle including, chemotherapy, radiation, fatigue, hair loss and emotional strain, in February of 2010 she was told she was cancer free. 

 In 2002 Trina's brother died from cancer. A month later her daughter was born after an emergency c-section. Losing her brother and knowing he never got to meet her daughter are two of the hardest things that forever changed her life.

Eva suffered abuse from her alcoholic father starting at the age of three. The abuse was so severe at times, she actually hid under the bed in an attempt to avoid it. As an adult she confronted her father and has made peace with both the abuse and her abuser. He passed away in 2001.

August 1, 2007 Michele lost a child during pregnancy. January 18, 2008 tragedy struck again, and again she miscarried. The pain of losing her unborn children and the "what-if's" of their little lives has left an empty place in her heart. Michele has 4 children, 2 in heaven and 2 God has chosen for her to raise. Someday, she says, they will all be together.

In 2004 Jana was diagnosed with breast cancer. Even after 6 rounds of chemotherapy, 37 radiation treatments, and losing her hair Jana never lost her faith, or support from family and friends. Jana is cancer free.

In April of 2008 Sarah was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon cancer. Her son was 20 months, her daughter 5 weeks old when, then 28 year old Sarah, got the news. After a colon resection, liver resection, abdominal surgery and rounds and rounds of chemotherapy she has beat odds that were given to her two years ago. She is still battling cancer today.

It wasn't until Sara was an adult with children of her own,  that she decided she wanted to meet her biological father. She had been raised well by her stepfather but wanted to give the man she had never met a chance at finding a place in her heart. She now has a relationship with her biological father and Sara is certain God knew what he was doing.

Kristi struggled with a meth addiction from the age of 17 to 33. She has been homeless, jobless and hopeless. Her children were taken away from her twice with the understanding that the third time would be permanent. Kristi has been clean for a year.

Sandy was diagnosed with Stage III ovarian cancer in 1997 at the age of 47. She began chemotherapy and the fight of her life. She has been in remission since 1998.

When Kelly was 2 days old her father died from colon cancer. In 2003 her mother died of lung cancer and her mother in law from a brain tumor in 2004. She is a vital part in the "Sarah C-Fight White" fund raising and a main part of Sarah's daily cancer battle. In September her brother was diagnosed with colon cancer. 

 Nikki's scars started at an early age, with the absence of both parents. Then a life changing pregnancy, almost losing her premature son and later almost losing her daughter, Nikki's life was a roller coaster of continuous hurt. She contributes the healing of wounds to the strength of her children and the woman they have made her into.

Though only a small child when Whitney's sister Emily passed away, there has always been a sense of loss in her heart. Now that she has a  daughter of her own, she understands, even more, the pain felt by her parents. There is now a scar, were she suffered a wound so young by the loss of a sister she would never get to know. 

Melissa, like so many women, have multiple scars from a life of tragic events. She's been degraded, abused, and made to feel like she wasn't "worth" the love of others. The pain of never feeling good enough and learning to trust again has been hard, but through the relationship with her husband Larry, her wounds are finally beginning to heal. 

Patty suffered sexual abuse as a child from someone she was taught to trust. This has effected her relationships, caused problems with self esteem and intensified her already introverted personality. It wasn't until being a part of the SCARS segments of this blog that Pat made peace, forgave and is turning her wounds into a healing. 

Faye was diagnosed with Stage 1, Grade 3, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on March 9th, 2009. She fought the cancer with chemotherapy and radiation but most importantly with her will to live, strong faith, and the support of her family and friends. Though the cancer caused fatigue, hair loss, emotional and physical exhaustion, she won her battle, Faye is cancer free.

Tara began her journey through meth addiction as a young woman. In an attempt to straighten out her life she joined the USAF at age 19. She was taken advantage of my a fellow airman and out of shame, discharged for medical reasons. Again she turned to drugs. Tara feels that God has kept her safe as she walked the "belly of hell" through her addiction because she would eventually use her past as a teaching tool for young drug abusers. Tara has been clean for ten years.

Final Thought:

I have been working on this post off and on for almost a year now. Once again, when I try to do something nice for someone else, it blesses me ten fold. I cant even begin to express my admiration for the women who have bared there hearts and souls to others in hopes that their story may impact them in a positive way. If you will notice all these women have been photographed in front of brick. This is 

symbolic to the walls that we women create when we have been hurt. These women, these wonderful strong women, are standing in FRONT of their walls so that their story, and their pain may bring you a little peace.

Since When Does God Wear Suspenders?

I'd like to think I am very open minded when it comes to religion. I don't talk about it to my friends usually, just because I want to keep them as "friends". I have a pretty good relationship with my God. He knows how to get his point across with me and it's usually through humor. He has never answered me back in an audible sense, but he answers me in a way that I can understand...humorously. 

If you are keeping up with the blog at all or my Facebook then you know that I have taken up "running" in an attempt to become more physically fit and to train for some up coming 5K's. I usually run 3-4 times a week at a local cemetery were the entire thing is made up of hills. Lots, and lots, of hills.

I typically go at sun down, one-because it's hot as hell, and two- because the less people to actually witness this horrid event I call "running" the better. I start my routine by walking up the first hill and then from there the boob flopping, thigh fat slapping, booty jiggling begins. Now, I am in no way ashamed of my curves or the fact that I have them, and I am also not ashamed to say that I mirror a rhinoceros in the wild but it's still nothing I want a lot of people talking about.

Night before last was no different for me. I drive to my "gym", get out and turn on the ipod, and the Nike's start to hit the pavement. This particular evening I'm feeling especially sorry for myself and wondering if there is even any reason for working so hard to lose weight in the first place. My husband loves me. My friends love me. My kids don't care what I look like. Yes, the "poor Me's" were a plenty.

So I start talking in my head.

Me: "Why would God make everything so bouncy if he wanted us to run?" "This is awful to look at and it's painful and....

I had no more thought those thoughts when I pop over the hill and there were two old men. I mean OLD men, with canes, and suspenders. These old men were walking. They were out getting fresh air and getting there hearts pumping. At this exact moment, I knew that was God's way of saying..."regardless of the bounce, keep running fatty"...and I smiled, because I knew he was right.

Final Thought:

I am in no way a picture of health but I am a picture of perseverance and dedication. I am in no way an athlete but I am determined. I am in no way going to beat any world records or train for the Olympics but I am going to beat MY record and train for a 5K. The "poor Me's" have a way into our minds and they cause doubt, frustration and feelings of defeat. The reasons why I "can't" sometimes out weigh the reasons I "can" but that's when God shows up, sometimes in the form of old men in suspenders, we just have to open our eyes.

Pork Fritter to Fruit Salad in 3 Easy Steps

Those of you who know me personally, know that I have struggled with weight my entire adult life. I've been chunky, tubby, lean, muscular, fat, frumpy and average. I have tried every diet out there to lose weight. I didn't have Daddy issues or a bad thyroid or asthma, I had lazy ass. Yes, a case of serious lazy ass. I wanted a magic pill to make me thin, tone and tan...ya...that didn't happen.

About a year and a half ago I decided I needed to make a change. After reading Eat, Pray, Love and watching Dr. Oz on Oprah (and the heart palpitations that landed me at a cardiology appointment, but the other crap sounds better) I decided that I if I wanted to live a long, healthy, active life I would need to make a change. So, I did.

First thing, stop smoking...well, I didn't want to gain a ton of weight so scratch that.

First thing, lose weight...well, I couldn't do a lot of exercise because of the weight and the smoking so that isn't going to work.

First thing, ANYTHING....portion control, maybe just eat less? 

So I started with eating small amounts all the time. Constant snacking. That seemed to control my hunger enough I didn't want to put salt on my stapler during the day and devour it in silent shame. I kept that up for several weeks, just trying to account for everything I put in my mouth. "You are what you eat" is the saying, and I was tired of being a deep fried, southern style piece of pork. This might just work...


Several weeks went by and a few pounds dropped off, so I started walking some and lifting some light weights, all of which I despise but participated in non the less. More weight came off, a pound here and a pound there. Fall came and I had lost about 30 lbs, which sounds like a lot but trust me I was quite the lard ass and it was barely noticed by my peers.

I went to the gyno earlier that year for my pap and had decided while I was there I would ask for Chantix, a stop smoking pill, just to try it out. Six month later I decide to get it filled. The courage to get rid of a 17 year crutch was a little overwhelming. I filled it, and took it as directed, no strange dreams, no homicidal thoughts (or more than normal I should say), no suicidal ideations, mainly just extreme nausea if I tried to smoke. Chantix is a 6 month program that I, being an over achiever, completed in 3 months. October 17, 2009 I smoked my last cigarette.

I get asked a lot if I miss smoking. I'd love to say no, but truthfully, I think about how nice a cigarette would taste sometimes. Then, I remember the first time after I quit smoking that I could smell my hair, the smell of my hair was intoxicating. The smell of honeysuckle and my deodorant, my Cinnamon candle, pizza, lots of things I'd not truly smelt in almost 17 years. That in itself has been worth quitting.


Here I am almost 2 years later and I have lost 65 pounds, stopped smoking, stopped biting my nails (just to see if I could), stopped drinking sodas twice (that one I can't kick) eat healthy, and exercise regularly. It's sounds like a big accomplishment but the truth is I had to work hard to reverse what I alone had done to my body. "I" had started smoking at age 13, "I" had gained weight to the point it was unhealthy for my 29 year old heart, "I" had stopped working out or caring for my body. What seems like an accomplishment to most, seems like a correction to the damage I had done to this wonderful body I was given. To me, I was righting my wrong.


Final Thought:
People say "it's what is on the inside that counts" and that's true in lots of ways. Inside, is also your heart, lungs, kidneys, brain and all the other stuff smashed in there to make you, "you".  I try not to congratulate myself too much, or put myself down either. I strive to keep a good balance of healthy living and honest indulgence when the need hits me. I'm in no way perfect and I am a constant work in progress. Every person is different. Every body is different. Everyones body is a result of their decisions. You can be a deep fried pork fritter or a fruit salad, the choice is yours. Some days I'm a chicken nugget and some days I'm a piece of chocolate but EVERYday, I'm taking responsibility and NOT making excuses.