Seniors 2012

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.

Elbert Hubbard

No. More. Cancer

I decided to post a blog about my dear friend Sarah. I know several of you have followed her story through my Facebook, Twitter, and through SCARS and Bare It All on this blog. I also had a discussion with a dear friend who said "memories fade, story's get distorted but black and white is forever". I never, ever want to forget a single moment of my friendship with Sarah.
I am no where near a novelist, or author. I over use commas, and may have made grammatical errors...but these stories have been written by my heart. Sarah White wrote on my soul with her smile, love, and laughter. Here's why...

Like most of you, I am a Facebook junkie. I love reading people's drama, looking at a million pictures of the same people's kids over and over, and to stalk people who don't have a private page. (Don't judge me, I know most of you do the same thing) A couple of years ago I had been stalking "Sarah White". She was a former school mates wife that had been diagnosed with cancer. I knew they had two kids, and I knew that she was entirely too cute for Brian White. Just kidding...sorta. I also knew her prognosis wasn't good.

 I noticed that Sarah and I had a lot of mutual friends, and she had previously "liked" some wall posts I had put on a friend's wall. It was obvious she had a good sense of humor. I decided to send her a friend request...a simple friend request was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I expected to see a lot of sadness on Sarah's wall, instead, I saw bravery. I expected to see a woman that was sick and pitiful, instead I saw a sky diving diva who wore the words "I SCARE CANCER" on her diving helmet. Sarah White was NOTHING as I expected. She was what I would later find out to be one of the most extraordinary people I've ever met.   

Sarah and I began a friendship that isn't like most, and we both laughed when people would ask us how we knew each other. Our dinner dates were always to Applebee's which we both shared an uncanny love for. We would always share a Cookie Sundae and even when the chemo would chase away her appetite, she would still force down at least one bite. She was quiet and kind, I am loud and sassy. She was tiny and magnificent, I'm kinda chunky and usually bossy. Opposites attract, even in friendship.

I never treated Sarah like she had cancer, I think that was one of the things she loved about me the most. She had a HUGE support group of people who cared for her, and most of the time I let the worry come from them. For instance, no matter where we were, I would park the car away from our destination and make her walk. I'd tell her that her legs didn't have cancer, and she'd laugh and walk with a smile. When she'd take chemo and lose too much weight, I'd tell her how jealous I was of her ability to see her hip bones.  I haven't seen my hips or ribs in years. I'd bring random gifts every time I'd come to visit, and always announce "Happy Birthday" when I'd enter the room. It was my way of making up for birthday's I had missed, or maybe just knowing that every pretend birthday could be her last. I brought things like Silly String, Jelly Belly's, sexy slippers, iTunes cards, or Coke and Pop Rocks for the kids. Anything I thought would make her forget for one millisecond, that she was sick. Even one second of randomness that reminded her to smile, and laugh was always worth it. I always left her with a hug, and a reminder to kick that cancer's ass, and she'd always promise she would. She was extraordinary.

When Sarah was in STL hospital the last time, I decided I needed to see her. I figured she had been in there for several days, she could use some comic relief. I entered the room with a bag of goodies, announce "Happy Birthday" (which I'm pretty sure her Dad still thinks I should be medicated) and we laugh and talk about all the cool narcotics she's was taking. After an hour or so, I mentioned that she could use some blush or lip gloss because she looked like hell. Of course I was teasing she was radiant even battling cancer. A few minutes later she got up, with her walker, went to the sink and put on lip gloss and blush. I laughed so hard at her attempt. The next thing I know she shuffles her walker over to Brian, and gives him a kiss. Laughingly, he asks her what she's doing, and as she started back to bed, she says with a wink "no since in wasting all this hotness"...THAT was our Sarah. THAT is why we love her so much.

Through our friendship Sarah taught me several things:

Never give up. Ever.
Even on her death bed, she fought until her last breath.

Being afraid is okay.
Sarah wasn't afraid of dying. Sarah was afraid of leaving everyone behind. She knew she was our rock. She knew her C-Fight attitude and super brilliant smile was the glue that kept her family, friends and everyone who loved her together. She knew, even in the end, that she radiated strength that we all soaked up from her.

Never take one single second for granted.
She lived life. Even when the fractures in her spine from the massive tumors would leave her in intense pain, if she could bare ONE more minute in the floor with her children, she would stay in that floor.

Never go into battle without the power of prayer.
Sarah never made religion "cheesy", she made it real. Her relationship with God was real. When I was so angry and asked her how God could take her from us, she smiled and told me "he has something better lined out for me." That's faith. I picture her in heaven eating Peachy-O's, telling on me for cheating on Words With Friends, and telling others how wonderful her life was. Sarah was the most positive person I've ever met. God knew she was too good for this earth for long. I agree.

You CAN drink beer while on chemo.
I argued this with her on my birthday last year when we were in STL, I said "no", Sarah said "watch me". We toasted my 32nd birthday together.


Sarah White left this world on January 23, 2012. After years of fighting, rounds of chemo, pain, surgery after surgery, procedures, stitches, staples, medicine and fractured bones from tumors growing into her spine.
Sarah White won. She won her battle with cancer.
She crossed the finish line of life beaten, battered, bruised and exhausted at the throne of God...Sarah White left this world all used up. She won.

This is what I posted the day of Sarah's funeral, and I still feel the same:

I'm not saying goodbye to Sarah, I'm saying goodbye to her tiny, cancer ridden body.  I'm saying goodbye to her cancer, her tumors, the chemo, and medications. I'm not burying my friend, I'm burying her sadness, pain, and suffering. My Sarah isn't dead, her body is dead. My Sarah is alive, she is alive in my heart, and the hearts of everyone who loved her. Her touch on my life and her impact on my soul is alive and well.

I love you Sarah, save me a seat. I'll bring the lip gloss.  

No. More. Cancer

Sacrifice Isn't Made Only By The One in Uniform

This is Kayla & Stephen. Stephen is on his second deployment since the two were married 3 years ago. After doing the "Deployment Storybook" sessions and getting to know the families, I really wanted to shed some light on the other side of the deployment. I've gotten close to the families of the deployed soldier and sacrifice isn't made only by the one in uniform. These families are just as strong and brave as the men and women who put on the armor, to them I also say "thank you".

Ten Things Someone Needs to Hear

I've been so busy with all the projects I have going, that I have been neglecting my outlet, writing. I have a book, that when I find a quote, or someone says something that makes me think, I jot it down. It's kind of like my little secret book of inspirations. So, when I am having a bad day, or need a little pick me up, I let my eyes stroll though my book to put my heart back where it belongs. I decided to share them, because let's face it, I share everything right? ;) 

1. Small accurate steps are better than big sloppy ones. 

    In the book The Tortoise and the Hare, "slow and steady wins the race". That quote has held true for me.

2. Be the Buffalo

     In a storm, a pasture of cows will run away from the storm, while a buffalo will run through it. 

3. Take CARE of your body

  You can only go as far as your body can take you. 

4. SUCK. IT. UP. 

  Not everyone is going to support you in life, those who don't, don't matter. 

5. Don't be so critical of yourself. 

    There are plenty of people in this world to do that for you. 

6. It could ALWAYS be worse. 

   It's so easy to get caught up in our day to day complaints. 

  "The weather is too hot." Most of us have access to air conditioning, what about the homeless.

   "My steak is over cooked." There are starving children in our own towns

   "I have to go to work."  Unemployment is at an all time high and the homeless population continues to rise. 

    "I wake up every day with aches and pains." There is a man or a women in a wheel chair somewhere that   would love to feel anything.  

When I have a case of the "poor me's" I remember, it can always be worse.

7. Feeling means your dealing, and healing. 

  I can't remember where I heard that saying, but it rattled my core. If you feel it, it means it meant something to you. It doesn't always feel good, but it means you're alive.

8.Look at your scars as a healing, not a wound. 

 A scar means the wound is no more, the skin is tougher because of the injury that was done to it. Just like our hearts, when they have been hurt, a scar grows thick over the wound to protect it. Let it be a reminder of a great healing, not an injury.

9. "If you aren't part of the problem, or the solution and you are discussing it, it's gossip."

That cleared up a lot for me. This statement makes it easy to decide if we are gossiping. Unfortunately, it also stops a lot of my conversations before they start.

10. We are bigger than we let ourselves be.

You were specifically designed to be a part of this universe. There is NO one that is better at being you, than YOU. Don't dream in the city limits. The world is a big place, and it has plenty of room for you.

McNeely Deployment Session

Come Home Soon II

Again, with tears in my eyes, I present to you, a Deployment StoryBook session. I am so blessed to have been able to capture such precious moments, I hope you all see what I see in this sweet family. I know that our lives will move forward and yours will pause for the next year. Our prayers are with you, and your family until your safe return. God Bless.

SPC Tyra's Storybook Session

Normally I don't load actual "sessions" to the blog. I try to keep this for funny stories and projects...however, this is too precious NOT to share! Donald Tyra is a police officer here in my hometown and being in public safety you bond with people pretty easily, Donald is no exception. I went from calling him the "asshole night patrolman" to respecting him as an officer, and friend, in a very short time. We won't discuss him pulling me over at 4:00 am last April, but we will just say he makes a TERRIBLE first impression!

When he received orders that he would be deploying to Afghanistan, he asked that I take some shots of he and his son Harper to surprise his family...we totally did. This was one of those sessions that made me laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time. These images are precious in so many ways and the Tyra family has allowed me to share this video with the rest of the world.  Click the link below. Enjoy!

Regardless of your position on the war, political views, religious beliefs, or if you are a parent or not, this should touch your heart. These images are a reflection of unconditional love.....

Come Home Soon

Donald, 

On behalf of everyone who knows and loves you, we all wish you well and pray for your safety. You're in our thoughts and hearts until you return.