Those of you who know me personally, know that I have struggled with weight my entire adult life. I've been chunky, tubby, lean, muscular, fat, frumpy and average. I have tried every diet out there to lose weight. I didn't have Daddy issues or a bad thyroid or asthma, I had lazy ass. Yes, a case of serious lazy ass. I wanted a magic pill to make me thin, tone and tan...ya...that didn't happen.
About a year and a half ago I decided I needed to make a change. After reading Eat, Pray, Love and watching Dr. Oz on Oprah (and the heart palpitations that landed me at a cardiology appointment, but the other crap sounds better) I decided that I if I wanted to live a long, healthy, active life I would need to make a change. So, I did.
First thing, stop smoking...well, I didn't want to gain a ton of weight so scratch that.
First thing, lose weight...well, I couldn't do a lot of exercise because of the weight and the smoking so that isn't going to work.
First thing, ANYTHING....portion control, maybe just eat less?
So I started with eating small amounts all the time. Constant snacking. That seemed to control my hunger enough I didn't want to put salt on my stapler during the day and devour it in silent shame. I kept that up for several weeks, just trying to account for everything I put in my mouth. "You are what you eat" is the saying, and I was tired of being a deep fried, southern style piece of pork. This might just work...
Several weeks went by and a few pounds dropped off, so I started walking some and lifting some light weights, all of which I despise but participated in non the less. More weight came off, a pound here and a pound there. Fall came and I had lost about 30 lbs, which sounds like a lot but trust me I was quite the lard ass and it was barely noticed by my peers.
I went to the gyno earlier that year for my pap and had decided while I was there I would ask for Chantix, a stop smoking pill, just to try it out. Six month later I decide to get it filled. The courage to get rid of a 17 year crutch was a little overwhelming. I filled it, and took it as directed, no strange dreams, no homicidal thoughts (or more than normal I should say), no suicidal ideations, mainly just extreme nausea if I tried to smoke. Chantix is a 6 month program that I, being an over achiever, completed in 3 months. October 17, 2009 I smoked my last cigarette.
I get asked a lot if I miss smoking. I'd love to say no, but truthfully, I think about how nice a cigarette would taste sometimes. Then, I remember the first time after I quit smoking that I could smell my hair, the smell of my hair was intoxicating. The smell of honeysuckle and my deodorant, my Cinnamon candle, pizza, lots of things I'd not truly smelt in almost 17 years. That in itself has been worth quitting.
Here I am almost 2 years later and I have lost 65 pounds, stopped smoking, stopped biting my nails (just to see if I could), stopped drinking sodas twice (that one I can't kick) eat healthy, and exercise regularly. It's sounds like a big accomplishment but the truth is I had to work hard to reverse what I alone had done to my body. "I" had started smoking at age 13, "I" had gained weight to the point it was unhealthy for my 29 year old heart, "I" had stopped working out or caring for my body. What seems like an accomplishment to most, seems like a correction to the damage I had done to this wonderful body I was given. To me, I was righting my wrong.
Final Thought:
People say "it's what is on the inside that counts" and that's true in lots of ways. Inside, is also your heart, lungs, kidneys, brain and all the other stuff smashed in there to make you, "you". I try not to congratulate myself too much, or put myself down either. I strive to keep a good balance of healthy living and honest indulgence when the need hits me. I'm in no way perfect and I am a constant work in progress. Every person is different. Every body is different. Everyones body is a result of their decisions. You can be a deep fried pork fritter or a fruit salad, the choice is yours. Some days I'm a chicken nugget and some days I'm a piece of chocolate but EVERYday, I'm taking responsibility and NOT making excuses.
10 comments:
I love this post. I do not have the weight issue. I suffer from trichotillomania (hair-pulling). Most of the struggle is the same. It takes on a different form. This post is 100% encouraging. Thank you for sharing. God, I sound like such a fucking loser. Oh well,at least, I'm an honest loser. xo
The estrogen must be thick tonight? I felt like a douche writing down my feelings without being REALLY funny and swearing a lot...thanks for the input! ;)
I absolutely love it and I absolutely love you too Jamie. You're an awesome person. I think you just inspired me to rid myself of the "lazy ass syndrome". Thank you!!
Mine is salt and high blood pressure "which tend to go hand in hand".
Yes, I weigh just over 100 lbs and have high blood pressure. I struggle everyday to make a conscience effort to not salt my food until I taste it first and then use just enough. I may not die of a clogged artery but a hard one none the less.
I recently started dating a police officer with high blood pressure. We eat together some and he does not eat salt therefore I don't cook with it. What I am saying is I dont have the will power to stop eating it on my own even though I almost died giving birth to my daughter..brain swelled..sever vomiting..etc. All of this has stressed my veins hence the HBP.
Why can I do this for myself or my daughter? What in my mind tells me that it is okay to step another toe in the grave a little more each day? I know I have changes to make too.
Thanks for listening to me ramble. :)
This is awesome. Congratulations on all the hard work you've done!
I think most days I'm a grilled chicken thigh with the skin on. Maybe not the best choice, but not the worst either. :)
I feel like I should hang this on my refridgerator door to remind me to KEEP IT SHUT!
Wow thats awesome!! Ive put on 40 lbs... freakin sucks... but I am actively trying to watch what I eat, exercise... ect... Hope I can stay as faithful to it like you have!!
Weight is my issue too. As of today I have lost 118 pounds and reached a sort of place where I am at the keep it off phase not the lose it phase, first time ever in my life as a Fatty McFatFat I have been here. I give you major high fives for losing weight & quitting smoking
Jamie, I quit smoking more than ten years ago now and I still dream of having a cigarette. My husband talked me into quitting, and in my dreams, while I'm smoking, I'm telling myself how mad he's going to be at me for smoking!! But, even if he weren't a factor, I'm not sure I could go back for all the reasons you mentioned, smelling things like my own hair, food, my kids hair, being able to taste food again. The little buzz just isn't worth all those little things.
Good job on your accomplishments, you should be proud. Not many can make the changes you have and stick to them. That takes inner strength and I'm thinking you have that!!
And a side note to Penny...if you ever read this, my hubs hates salt so I don't cook with it either. After a while, your tastebuds will acclimate to the lack of salt. In the meantime, celery salt isn't too bad to add to cooking and is a bit healthier. Mrs. Dash helps too. Another trick I heard about is to put 1 part salt to two parts pepper in a salt shaker. When you season your food, you'll use less because you can see what your adding because of the pepper.
Wow...I had no idea you had lost that much weight! Way to go girie..I'm proud of you...and SOMEDAY..I too will kick the smoking habit and even sooner I will try my hardest to get healthy. I can't help but do that part everytime I look at our pics you did...not JUST for me, but definitely for my kids!!! You are truely an inspiration friend and TOO LEGIT TO QUIT!!! Love ya!!! :)
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