Wednesday, October 6, 2010

"Dear Gorby"

A couple of friends of mine are in the process of adopting a child from Russia. They have set up a "financial assistance program" that they have jokingly named "The Gorby Fund" (don't try to type that on your iPhone, the auto correct is totally inappropriate, ok, do it...it's funny) Anyway, they have asked that everyone that has been a part of the adoption process, either monetarily, spiritually, emotionally, or any other kind of "-ily" to write the baby-to-be a letter explaining why he/she is important to them. Well here ya go Brock and Ash, you asked for it. 



Dear "Gorby", 
For the record, I would have never, ever nicknamed you "Gorby", what kind of people are they? I would have named you Anastasia, like the chic that won American Idol back a couple years ago? I think she's already a has been...anyway, I just want it to be known I had NOTHING to do with the nickname. The photo below is NOT what I want to picture you looking like, however, ya....that's all I got.



Let's talk about your Dad...He's a nice guy, most days. Easily excited, especially if he thinks you might need some life/car/house/boat insurance. He likes to have a good time, take pictures at random gatherings, roots for Mizzou ( Pssst, you need to be a Razorback fan) and enjoys being with family. I guess for the most part you are going to do fine in the father department. I've included a picture of what your dad looks like when he started the adoption so that you can see how the thought of you light up his eyes....



Your mother, she is a gem. A gem of all gems. Her sparkle can light up a room. She is totally, madly in love with you already, and you aren't even in her arms yet. She has worked so hard to make a life for you and talks of her "Gorby" all the time. Now, be ready for ridiculous outfits, lots of "Momma sugars", church gatherings, and a lot of women folk, pawing all over you...that's the kind of mother you're gonna have. It's gonna happen, I'm just warning you. Again, I have included a picture of your Mommy so that you can see the twinkle in HER eye....


Unfortunately by the time you are old enough to get the humor in the included photos, Brangelina will probably be divorced and (fingers crossed) he will be back with Jennifer Aniston. (Ask your Mom, she'll explain) 



So sweet "Gorby", I leave you with this....You are loved beyond your comprehension. You have an entire community that loves you and are ready for you to make your big debut. You are going to have two wonderful parents that will give you your every hearts desire. They've worked hard for you so you had better be a good child, don't make me come and beat you...you won't like it!

Finally, here are your real parents...a goggle wearing weirdo, and a smiley lady in a sombrero, good luck sweet baby. Can't WAIT to meet you!







If you would like to donate to the "Gorby Fund" click the link below...These parents deserve a little cash after this blog don't you think?






*No celebrities were hurt in the making of this blog entry. All parties/friends should always be under the assumption that they may be part of a blog post at any given time. If you do not approve this blog post, please speak to my imaginary attorney, as I am broke ass and have no money to pay for a real one*

5 comments:

Ben Hunsaker said...

This is why we are friends that are too busy for each other. :)

cityofbloomfield said...

I think I peed a little

Anonymous said...

awesome... you made the city of bloomfield pee... ha ha

bsmith said...

This is great!

Claire said...

This is a great one! I will put little "Gorby" in my prayers. Thank you for being so funny. I wish I could read what you write every day!!!